Keeping the Pace

I don’t know, it’s been about a couple dozen times since I started walking the labyrinth. It started out where I felt like it was an exercise of just keeping my word to do same thing every day. And my pace around was thoughtful but constant…reach the middle, say some prayers or simmer with the thoughts that I carried with me on the way in. A quick stretch, maybe a rub on my heart center, and then off, spiraling out.

A couple of nights ago, while walking at dusk, my pace became really slow… then it became lethargic. I tried really hard to just stay in the moment with my body. I felt like a robot running out of batteries. I focused on what was happening as if I was outside my body, just watching with amazement. I finally came to a stop, mid-stride.

Now, I want to take moment to let you know how things are in my life. We have been battling Maddie, the 4-year-old, who has always been a strong personality—very much alive with such a large spirit. As my friend Gina said, “Maddie is an amazing child, I want her on my side, she is a fiercely loyal, genuine warrior”. I feel as if most people can’t take too much of her. She isn’t afraid to speak to an adult as if they are equals, and question them. She is super rational and likes explanations, yet spends most of her time being a flying unicorn.

So, I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed by her personality and quite frankly embarrassed at times. One of the homeschool mom’s, while we were engaged in a discussion about Maddie’s personality, said, “Maddie can be downright rude, and, at the same time, shine with inner love”. Of course, all I hear is “rude”.

So now, it’s getting dark and I can’t move. All of a sudden, I started weeping and down deep in my chest, I hear a low voice say, “be gentle with her, be accepting, be patient”. I take two deep breaths, and I started moving again…slow steps, then picking up the pace. My heart was lighter and my pace quickened. While spiraling my way out, and deep breathing, I thought about Liz Gilberts’ moment in her book “Eat, Pray, Love”, where a voice speaks to her in the bathroom. She calls the voice something like God. I’m not sure if it was God, but I’m listening…