Keeping the Pace

I don’t know, it’s been about a couple dozen times since I started walking the labyrinth. It started out where I felt like it was an exercise of just keeping my word to do same thing every day. And my pace around was thoughtful but constant…reach the middle, say some prayers or simmer with the thoughts that I carried with me on the way in. A quick stretch, maybe a rub on my heart center, and then off, spiraling out.

A couple of nights ago, while walking at dusk, my pace became really slow… then it became lethargic. I tried really hard to just stay in the moment with my body. I felt like a robot running out of batteries. I focused on what was happening as if I was outside my body, just watching with amazement. I finally came to a stop, mid-stride.

Now, I want to take moment to let you know how things are in my life. We have been battling Maddie, the 4-year-old, who has always been a strong personality—very much alive with such a large spirit. As my friend Gina said, “Maddie is an amazing child, I want her on my side, she is a fiercely loyal, genuine warrior”. I feel as if most people can’t take too much of her. She isn’t afraid to speak to an adult as if they are equals, and question them. She is super rational and likes explanations, yet spends most of her time being a flying unicorn.

So, I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed by her personality and quite frankly embarrassed at times. One of the homeschool mom’s, while we were engaged in a discussion about Maddie’s personality, said, “Maddie can be downright rude, and, at the same time, shine with inner love”. Of course, all I hear is “rude”.

So now, it’s getting dark and I can’t move. All of a sudden, I started weeping and down deep in my chest, I hear a low voice say, “be gentle with her, be accepting, be patient”. I take two deep breaths, and I started moving again…slow steps, then picking up the pace. My heart was lighter and my pace quickened. While spiraling my way out, and deep breathing, I thought about Liz Gilberts’ moment in her book “Eat, Pray, Love”, where a voice speaks to her in the bathroom. She calls the voice something like God. I’m not sure if it was God, but I’m listening…

Homesteading: Really????

On our little adventure here in the Sierra Nevada's, I often refer to us as "homesteading". Which people look like they understand exactly what I mean, but nod with a confusing look on their face. Don't ask me to try to explain what I mean. I think it just sounds cool and trendy.

I won't deny, I am one to turn lemons into lemonade. We moved back to California from Central Virginia, because my partner is no longer receiving funding to finish his dissertation, and we couldn't afford to live in the city of Charlottesville on only one salary. So we moved back to the family homestead. Also known as, moving back in with the parents. Ack! That sounds too bad, never mind, let's just keep it as "we're homesteading". that sounds so much better.

Since I'm not to clear on what exactly "homesteading" means, I looked it up.

Merriam-Webster: the home and adjoining land occupied by a family.

Wiki: Broadly defined, homesteading is a lifestyle of simple self-sufficiency.

Urban Dictionary: One of your best friends, so close that whenever you need a place to stay you can sleep on this person's couch and/ or bed.
"Yo dog! You my homestead!"

I'm partial to the Urban Dictionary's definition, however, a combination of M-W & Wiki is most applicable. Reducing our consumption, and living a more simple life. Here is what has been happening over the six months. We reduced our grocery shopping bill quite a bit by eating as whole and local as possible. We are eating bulk grains, garden winter greens, root vegetables, squashes from a neighbor, goat milk from another neighbor, making breads, etc. Our daughters eat what we put in front of them, albeit, the garlicky humus. But tone down the garlic and they are all over it.

At first, I went through fits of withdrawal from online purchases from the bigbox department stores...but the more I learned about how "stuff" is made, shipped, and how the cost is made so low for Americans, I became ashamed. It became easier for me to just delete those emails. Now we are only purchasing clothes from thrift stores, not washing/drying those clothes as often (reducing our electricity), and no more shopping for shoes just to get "new shoes".

Its been a challenge. However, my daughters are at such an impressionable age, that making adjustments in our lives, no matter how hard it is, pail in comparison to the amazing transformation our daughters have undergone. They are starting to get a grasp on what it means to live in a society where the poor are rich in comparison to other country's poor. To see them devour a fresh kale, carrot, beet salad like it was the best food they've ever eaten, makes my heart sing.

Now, if only I can get the social etiquette message to the 4-year-old that you can't tell strangers "McDonalds will kill you", I might actually begin to feel like we are making a difference in the world, one cup of lemonade at a time.

New Routines, New Resoultions

Here I am surrounded by beauty, both inside and outside. Humble surroundings on the inside and majestic on the outside. Here on the property where we live, is an amazing labrynith. It was constructed years ago, and as of late, been trampled over by the horses and many deer that live here too. My father-in-law and friend, Jerry, fixed it up over the holidays, which I was thrilled about. So, I've decided to walk it everyday this year (when I'm in town), and see how the space transforms me. I believe in the power of sacred space and the impact it can have on our bodies and minds.

I've done the walk about a dozen times so far, and last night was one of the most powerful. After devouring a wonderful local meal of kale salad, lentils & rice and homemade bread, I realized the whole day had slipped by and I hadn't walked the labrynith. I got this grand idea for the whole family to celebrate the fullmoon by doing a lantern walk on the labrynith. We were already using our walking lanterns to eat and cook by, since Gracie insisted that we live by candlelight to cut down our environmental footprint (That's what I get for showing the kids the documentary "No Impact Man". ) Turns out, the family was super excited to do this.

Out we ventured into the cold January wind, and trekked to the other side of the property. The horses looked askance at us, and kept on eating their hay. I have to admit the lanterns and the moonlight-wow. What an image to burn in memory.

The start was a bit shaky with Maddie getting off to a rough start. But I am proud of my four- year-old's ability to keep quite while walking in the sacred space. While we walked in silence, Grace in the lead, and Maddie holding my hand, with Matthew bringing up the rear, the pine and cedars trees swayed in graceful accompaniment to the winds that howled. It was a magical time. And when Grace uttered the phrase, "may all people who need peace, find peace", my soul became full.